Current Read

I just finished a book called Taught By America. It is the story of one corps member's experience during her two years in Compton teaching second grade. 

It was pretty ridiculous and I found myself sobbing at some parts and laughing at others. This is the second time I've tried to read a book like this, the last one being "the relentless pursuit." I didn't finish that one because it freaked me out too much and I was still in the process of applying. 

I wasn't going to finish this one either, because i figured I'm living this right now- why put myself through someone else's struggle too. 

The book was inspiring yet a hard harsh reality as well. 

I wanted to be left with hope when I finished the book. 

Instead I was left with a chapter of her going back to Compton seven years later to find her students and share her book with them. 

After extensive searching, she was able to find 2 of her students. 2. Lack of records and students moving schools and districts made it impossible for her to find them. 

With the two she found, one of them talked with her briefly. He was a freshman now and when she asked him what he was doing in class right now, he responded with word searches. Word searches on airplanes...in English class. Then he went back to class. 

When the second student was called down to the office, he didn't even remember her. He asked the guidance counselor, who had called him down to her office, if he could go back to class. 

It hurt to read. 

We alls teach with America.

or something like that. 

Another one of my comrades is blogging. 

If you're interested in what's it like to Teach For America in the Rio Grande Valley, sigue sigue.

Conservative Commentary

My life has changed pretty dramatically in 3 days time. 

Shortly after writing my last post I saw three roaches in my house and called my landlord to let him know. I probably wouldn't normally call for something like that but he told me to call whenever we saw one so they could spray.

When I talked to him he let me know that his wife offered to me and my roommate their guest room so we we didn't have to sleep in the fumy house while they painted. 

We took them up on their offer, drove 3 minutes away and found ourselves at their house. His wife greeted us and showed us to the guest house where we could spend the next three days (or more if needed).  

A beautiful little house with the most comfortable bed you've ever slept on in your life fitted perfectly with the nicest sheets you've ever felt. From the front window you can see the tennis court and beautiful pool, where we would have unlimited access to. We were handed keys and told to make ourselves at home.

The past three days I have been feed amazing breakfasts on trays by the pool with yummy coffee and fresh fruit. I've lived in my swimsuit and in the pool since its over 100 every day, and have finished two books. 

I've been treated to amazing bbq and today went down to Mexico to their favorite restaurant for amazing food. 

We also have been given pieces of furniture for our house!! I have a bed. we have a love seat. WE EVEN HAVE A TABLE! 

To top things off our landlord knows just about everyone in Weslaco I'm pretty sure and upon hearing how I probably wont' survive until my first pay check, called up the finest italian restaurant in the valley and Anne and I are now employed, with a second job to make ends meat. 

While I've felt like i've been listening to conservative talk radio for the past 3 days, but it's been worth it. Blessing after blessing seemed to fall into our laps, and I feel a little bit better about starting my life in the Valley.

It was hard to be positive while sitting eating cereal on the floor with no table and or chairs worrying about money.

I guess I'm still worrying about a couple of things- but worry is worthless, and only action has value. 

my times are hard; hard like my bedroom floor.

I eat on the floor.

I sleep on the floor.

I have tortillas and beans in my fridge.

I have a no internet- no TV.

I applied at LUBY'S today.

My school is in the MIDDLE OF NO WHERE.

My car insurance just went up 250$ because I moved to the Valley.

I can't afford to go out.

The library blocks facebook.

I think I'm going to start a novel.

Renter's Remorse

Friday I finished Institute.

Saturday I packed my life again and moved to the Valley. Again.

Sunday I signed a lease on a house and moved into an unfurnished 3,000 sq foot orchard ranch.

Too quick? Maybe. 

In the light of day, my two roommates and I drove through the Texas countryside with stars in our eyes. The hot son felt nice on our skin and breeze in our hair felt extremely refreshing. 

Pulling into the driveway of our Orchard House an old man in a straw hat and pressed iron shirt greeted us with warm wishes. We walked through the old house with glass door knobs on every bathroom and closet door, awed at the 'hard wood floors,' marveled at the crown molding, and gushed over the beautiful kitchen. The backyard's assortment of comquat trees, pecan, orange, avocado, limes, magnolias, and grapefruits left us breathless and we with less than $300 a person for rent..we asked- where do we sign?

Within 24 hours we were moved in.

Last night, after a full day of errand running, Alyssa, Anne and I returned home at 10pm. As we drove down the long dark country road, we realized it was very very dark out in the country. No street lights lit our way and when we pulled into our long driveway we suddenly felt terrified of getting out of our car to spend the time to lock up our garage with 2 locks, and get into our house with 4 different locks. We created a plan for how to do it efficiently, said ready set go and were off. With in 10 minutes we had unloaded my entire car and were inside. Alarm system was deactivated and we fumbled around in the dark to put things away. 

We were in the dark because when we turned on the lights we realized we have no curtains and we felt extremely exposed with the lights on and full length windows through our whole house. 

Next was the alarm. Let's set it before bed. Fumble Fumble Fumble...set. Okay its set...45 seconds later ALARM ALARM ALARM ...we run through the house to try and turn it off and call the security company to make sure they aren't dispatching anyone. We ask the lady how to arm the alarm without motion detectors, she had no idea.

We weren't sure what to do now, and not sure if we should call our landlord at 1030 at night to ask how to arm the alarm when we were still in the house. We sat on the floor in the dark as we discussed what we should do. 

We discussed how we are 5 miles from the border and how our neighbors have two huge painted signs that say TRESPASSERS WILL BE SHOT out front. 

What the HECK were we thinking getting this house? WE ARE IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE. We are basically IN mexico. WE HAVE NEIGHBORS WHO WILL SHOOT US if we walk on their property. 

Working our selves up into a panic we discussed strategies for staying safe (buying glasses with the fake nose and mustache and wearing them around the house so people watching us in the windows think we were men?) and realized we should call our landlord to figure out how to set the alarm.

After a confusing conversation on the phone, we finally figured it out and got it all set up. We all decided not to sleep in our separate bedrooms and pulled our blankets (since we don't have money for beds until we get paid) and slept within 5 feet of each other in our 3,000 sq foot house. 

I woke up this morning thinking 'I'M ALIVE!' "WE MADE IT!"

Then i walked around my house, and outside. 

It's beautiful. everything about it.

We laughed at each other for how big of a fuss we made last night and can't believe we actually were considering buying fake noses and mustaches to wear around the house.

I felt like I was 11 years old staying home alone for the first time, last night.

What an experience...one day at a time.

shots of the Orchard House

I could get used having avocados, pecans, bananas, oranges, limes, and grapefruit trees in my back yard... especially when I have crown molding.

A difficult and beautiful journey

Today marks my last day of Summer School, and thus my last day of training at Institute with Teach For America. 

Words cannot express what the past 5 weeks were like, nor the mixed emotions that have filled my chest throughout the day. 

In the past 5 weeks I have been broken down physically, mentally, and emotionally. Living off an average of 4 hours of sleep a night,  I have gone through 37, hour and half curriculum sessions- countless literacy sessions, lesson planning clinics and more. I have taught for 2 hours a day (not much I know) 15 five year olds who have the luck (good or bad) of being my first class. They laughed at me,  ran away from me, learned with me, laughed with me, cried at me, pouted, smiled, thanked me, shouted at me, worked with me, went 'crazy' on me, read with me, and said 'Ms. Hayes- I'll miss you.'

I've been broken down - inside and outside of my classroom- and tears have been abundant. Tears of frustration with myself, and not for anger at my students. Tears that come when I feel the sense of how urgent the need is, how little the time is, and how inadequate a job I feel I have done.  

But then I look at the people around me. Not only are there 64 people at my school going through the same thing as me, but there are 600 in Houston, and 7000 around the nation who are all being broken. They are being broken into pieces so they know what those pieces are, and can learn by putting them back together. Learning by doing, day by day, knowing that the need is so great, and the stakes are so high. We cannot afford to fail. But fail we will again, and again, so that in the future we will truly be able to succeed. We will succeed because our students will succeed. 

I know this is possible because I look at those who come before me. I look at my school director during the past 5 weeks. She was in my shoes 12 years ago, and through learning, helped make the Idea schools possible. 

"The flagship campus in Donna graduated its first class of seniors in 2007, one hundred percent of whom are currently enrolled in a four-year college or university. Thirty-one seniors graduated in the Class of 2008 at the Donna campus in June of 2008 and 100% of those students have matriculated to a four-year college or university. Three-fourths of all IDEA graduates are first-generation college students."

I move to Donna, Texas tomorrow. 

And so I begin part II of my difficult and beautiful journey. 

Learn A Little Texan

Every morning my students stand and say:

   "Honor the Texas flag; I pledge allegiance to thee, Texas, one state under God, one and indivisible."

See previous post: Texas, its like a whole other country.

Hip Hip HURRAY!

It's official: Come August I'll be a second grade teacher :)

I'll have my own classroom and will be teaching in ENGLISH all day. Dream Come True?! I THINK SO!

What's more is my kids will leave me for 2 hours after lunch and I'll get another 2nd grade class and teach them math and science :) Then my kids come back to me for the end of the day Social Studies lesson. 

I'M SO HAPPY. SO HAPPY.

95 95 95

This is how people describe the weather in Houston in July. 

Its the 95, 95, 95. 

Every day it is 95 degrees out.

Every day it is 95% humidity.

Every day there is a 95% chance for rain.

Every day. 

Don't believe me? Check out Houston weather right now.

 I bet you it says its 95 out right this second.

boom boom pow

2 years ago: lighting off fireworks off a roof in Guatemala City
1 year ago: watching 2 fireworks shows off a roof in Jersey City.
Today: heading into the heat to watch another display of america freedom.

All of the above: Missing the 4th of July in Racine, Wisconsin. 

I imagine my Cecilia and my Keanu saying this to me in between screaming fits. That gets me through.

is this real life?

For the second day in a row, and probably the 4th or 5th time in 3 weeks,  my 15 five year olds have reduced me to tears. 

After an hour and thirty minutes of pure defiance from 3/4 of my class, kids running clear across my room away from other students, away from me (even though i'm not chasing, I'm standing perfectly still), kids tackling others, hitting, crying, group timeouts, individual time outs, students leaving the classroom, neighbor teachers coming in, administration entering- talking, lights out...it did not end. 

I feel as though my class is Murphy's law, and everything that can- is going wrong, and everything that I could do wrong, I'm doing wrong. 

Who knows what is going on, but something needs to change. I have one week left with these kids... 

I severely hope that some kids have learned something over the past 3 weeks, but I'm not convinced. It drains me to think everything I've put in over the past 3 weeks has been in vain. 

I got a job secured today for the next 2 years. I'll be either in 1st grade bilingual, or 4th grade reading...it's still TBA. 

Donna, Tx here I come. 

The only thing that is getting me through this is the reason why I'm here.