Restas: " 4 menos 2 son 2!"

I taught for 2.5 hours in spanish today. 

My students have a plan for me everyday, and I'm being tested on every level possible and pretty much feel like a failure (as a teacher!) during most moments of the day...but then I realize once again...I'm teaching in Spanish. This is pretty frick'n cool, and I feel pretty bad ass. 

side note...I HAVE OFF ON FRIDAY TOO!

end in sight? kinda.

I've been out of Texas for over just about 4 weeks now, and the end of my ridiculous summer training is in sight. 

This week was significantly better in terms of my emotions and my sanity, compared with last week. I think I can safely say last week was one of the hardest weeks of my life.

This week was still really hard in the classroom, but at least I had a better handle on the things I have control of outside of the classroom (my ability to plan, organize my time, relax, etc). 

I left school today, once again completely defeated. I still feel that I have no control of my classroom, my kids have a plan for me everyday, and I don't feel like my kids are learning. 

I'm trying to not take it as personally as I did last week, but when you care about something so much, and you're trying so hard, and you see yourself failing, it's hard not to take it to heart. 

I finally felt in a place after school today where I could put my TFA responsibilities aside and go enjoy a margarita for a few hours. Tomorrow I'm heading downtown to celebrate all afternoon and evening tomorrow at Pride Festival with friends and will take a much needed DAY off.

Sunday I'll be back at lesson planning and figuring out how to improve for next week. 

Ps..my fam did the lighthouse run last weekend...shout-out to family health and well being. 

100 degrees everyday.

continuously increasing effectiveness.

Probably the most powerful and most motivating tool/mindset for me right now. Even if the day goes horribly, I find myself trying to think of every possible way to change it to make it better for the next day. 

I leave my lessons usually feeling like I'm failing all my kids in my class because no one is learning....and that feeling pushes me to make sure the next day goes better.

Especially with 5 year olds, they will all love me tomorrow (usually) so I have a clean slate to work with. 

Its also interesting having 5 year olds. Everyone is basically on the same level. There are a few really advanced students, who can read like a whiz, but basically everyone is equal. When I get back to the dorms at night I talk to my fellow corps members who teach in middle school and high school. 

Half of their class can't read and the other half can, but most don't speak english, so can't pass the tests anyhow. 

The gap is there. just not yet for my little spanish speaking 5 year old kiddos. I feel like if I don't teach them well....What will happen? Where will they end up?

I feel like I'm teaching in fear of a force that is statistically there but doesn't have to be. It is a scary reality/unreality? to be fighting every day. 

One day starts today.

This is from last Monday- my first day as a teacher. 

I wanted to document it. 

Doesn't mean I'm smiling now, but it is worth it.

5 days...19 hours of sleep

TExES teacher exams all this weekend.

I'm falling apart at the seams.

oh dios mio.

Week 2 was hard. It was really really hard.



I'm so happy it is Friday.



I got a name tag that says Ms. Hayes today- where 17 five year olds will be in my hands at 8am.



* * *



When I retold my 'friday' story to a friend, fellow corps member, and past TFA intern w/ me last summer...he told me:



Katy, honestly, I'd rather fail every day working towards something worthwhile, than sit by and do nothing.



so true.



Round 2 next week.

Baila baila conmigo

I'm teaching kindergarden in Spanish for 4 weeks, everyday...in Spanish. Did I mention I'm teaching in spanish for everything? 

I start diagnostic tests tomorrow.

My days are long, my spirits high....so far. I haven't started yet though.

Oh boy. 

First Week via fotos

international waters=gool

For my first week down here we have what is called 'induction week' to the Valley. We learn more about Teach For America, explore the valley, do interviews with schools, meet our fellow corps members, and just enjoy Texas before we head up to Houston on Sunday to start Institute training. 

Yesterday a group of about 20 of us drove to a national park to go kayaking down the Rio Grande. The guide that went with us goes on the river everyday and could not stop talking about how great it is.

He was especially excited because today there was a (new) truck in the river, about halfway submerged, and he was planning on getting it towed and turning it in to get money for his non profit. He explained to us that what happens is the border control will chase people- on foot and in cars- down the US side of the border but if the people go into the water again, they are safe. 

In the international body of water, you can't be touched and are free to go back to Mexico, or stay in the water i suppose, too. 

So we paddled up to the truck and we saw that all of the lug nuts had been removed and put on the hood of the car. The guide told us we can't be naive, and that most likely there was drugs in the tires, and that the car had been racing along the American side, being chased by border patrol, and to escape, drove straight into the river on purpose- its not deep.

My jaw dropped a bit, and I couldn't believe it! It made the border feel very real.

We continued kayaking past the truck, made a loop around a small island, and started to make our way back up stream. 

When we got to the truck again, there was a small boat of mexicans paddling up to the truck. We all slowed our paddling to see what was happening. Out of the boat the pulled a huge thick chain and attached it to the back of the truck. We looked back to the Mexican bank and there were 5 more men, a huge truck, and multiple darkly tinted smaller cars. 

We all nodded, said 'buenos tardes' and continued on. Within 30 seconds there was border patrol helicopters directly above us circling.

Our guide motioned for us all to get closer and he had a crazy expression on his face. He told us how most people don't get to see this so take a good look...international drug trafficking in progress.

He then said, see? its not how you imagined, huh? It's not scary...

And it really wasn't. At no point did I feel unsafe, and the river was to much fun to not be enjoying yourself. People swimming, little kids playing on the bank, dogs running around, kayakers. 

I just can't believe what was happening simultaneously.