A difficult and beautiful journey

Today marks my last day of Summer School, and thus my last day of training at Institute with Teach For America. 

Words cannot express what the past 5 weeks were like, nor the mixed emotions that have filled my chest throughout the day. 

In the past 5 weeks I have been broken down physically, mentally, and emotionally. Living off an average of 4 hours of sleep a night,  I have gone through 37, hour and half curriculum sessions- countless literacy sessions, lesson planning clinics and more. I have taught for 2 hours a day (not much I know) 15 five year olds who have the luck (good or bad) of being my first class. They laughed at me,  ran away from me, learned with me, laughed with me, cried at me, pouted, smiled, thanked me, shouted at me, worked with me, went 'crazy' on me, read with me, and said 'Ms. Hayes- I'll miss you.'

I've been broken down - inside and outside of my classroom- and tears have been abundant. Tears of frustration with myself, and not for anger at my students. Tears that come when I feel the sense of how urgent the need is, how little the time is, and how inadequate a job I feel I have done.  

But then I look at the people around me. Not only are there 64 people at my school going through the same thing as me, but there are 600 in Houston, and 7000 around the nation who are all being broken. They are being broken into pieces so they know what those pieces are, and can learn by putting them back together. Learning by doing, day by day, knowing that the need is so great, and the stakes are so high. We cannot afford to fail. But fail we will again, and again, so that in the future we will truly be able to succeed. We will succeed because our students will succeed. 

I know this is possible because I look at those who come before me. I look at my school director during the past 5 weeks. She was in my shoes 12 years ago, and through learning, helped make the Idea schools possible. 

"The flagship campus in Donna graduated its first class of seniors in 2007, one hundred percent of whom are currently enrolled in a four-year college or university. Thirty-one seniors graduated in the Class of 2008 at the Donna campus in June of 2008 and 100% of those students have matriculated to a four-year college or university. Three-fourths of all IDEA graduates are first-generation college students."

I move to Donna, Texas tomorrow. 

And so I begin part II of my difficult and beautiful journey.