From Day one until Here I Am- this is me.

I am alone, but not, for seven months. I have no responsibilities from back in the states -execpt to keep the fam and good friends up to date- to hold me back. I'm on this journey alone, using this time to figure out some things, experience things compoletely different and have really hard days that make the good ones 100x better...

The final countdown of hours. The scowl on my face can't seem to leave. A fabulously frustrating 10 days of travel has left be so happy to be back in Quito, and it seems so unfair I have to leave tomorrow at 5am. I don't want to pack. I don't want to talk to anyone. I don't want to see a soul. I want to sleep.

...I know the first three months will be the hardest for me, struggling through the language and living alone, I almost want to count down till it's over- but i refuse to cause i want to live very day as full as possible...

The relief and happiness is rushing over me. I can't wait to get out of latin america. The smell of urine in the street near my house. The cheating cab drivers. The harrasment on on the streets when I walk to the bus stop. The fact that everything starts late. I hate that the sides of highways are used as garbage dumps. That there is no toliet paper or clean toilets when it seems I most need them. Constant stomach problems. Get me out.

...Fuck. tomorrow i need to find a phone, apartment, try not to be scared in down town Guatemala city- but it is all kinda sweet i have to admit...

My mom just called and said tomorrow night we are going to watch my favorite black and white christmas movie curled up in her big comfy bed with my sisters. I started bawling. I can't imagine that happening. I don't know if it was out of fear, happiness, or saddness, or a little of both. I don't want to leave. I love this place. I love Central America, I love South America, I love Guatemala, I love El Salvador, I love Ecuador, I love Colombia, I love Peru. I love the inescapable beauty of the mountains, desert, amazon, volcanoes, and the Pacific all within a few hours of bus. I love the the people, the worth their kindess and openness for complete strangers. I love speaking a different language fluently and being able to communicate with and understand someone, being on a different plane than you were ever on before. I love the food- more or less, and what i means...It means long family dinners and culture. Don't make me leave.

...Here I am embarking on this journey. One day at a time i guess, trying to feel everything- happiness, excitement, sadness, frustration- all of it adding to this beast of an experience and, hopefully, making myself more complete as to what I want to be.